Things I haven't thought of...

Thank goodness we got through another "first," Father's Day. Sorry to all the dad's out there, but I am so glad it has come and gone. Sick of seeing "Best Dad's" cards, commercials, even Sprout was dedicated to dad's this weekend. I'm like what about all the kids that are fatherless??? Give me a break. Needless to say I feel guilty saying that when I still get to celebrate having my own daddy with me. He will soon be 70 and I can't believe it. He is one special man and I couldn't even say enough about him here to do him justice. So, Virg, I am sorry if I wished Father's day away. But you of all people, I know, completely understand where I am coming from. The kids loved their scrapbooks, even though, Jake and Sam had a sneak preview Thurs afternoon. They kinda have a bad habit of opening other people's mail. Don't think they will do that again. I did get to surprise them Sunday morning though. I gave them each a necklace (I got one too) that is an impression of Shane's thumbprint. I told them if they just needed to feel Daddy, they can just reach up and rub it. So special. They loved it and so do I. Give anything to get a hug from him right now. I made Shane's dad a scrapbook also, he loved it too. He was extremely proud of it.

Shane had befriended a man about the time he was diagnosed. Now, he knew him, they went to the same college, actually we were neighbors for a while, our kids now go to the same school, they were acquaintances, but wouldn't say friends. This relationship started at the right time. They spent time texting encouragement back and forth, he even came and spent some time with Shane. Often could be found outside our home praying for us. Constantly was sending Shane notes of encouragement in his infamous handwriting. He has many talents and one of those talents is knowing how to play the bagpipes. He had hinted around that he had thought about playing them at the end of the graveside service, I was upset that he did not. Then he hinted that he might open up the Play for Shane Golf Tournament with the pipes, again, I was very upset he didn't. He had told Shane he would play for him one day, well, that one day was cut a little short. So he and my sister orchestrated a Father's Day gift to Shane, me and the kids. He met us at the cemetery at about sunset and blasted Amazing Grace for us. He was kilted in this awful heat and honored my husband for the father he was, the friend he was and the husband he was. It was one of the most meaningful moments. He was glad to do it for us, which made it even more special. He and his wife continue to encourage me even though they have sooooo much on their plates. They're lives do go on, but for some reason, I know that Shane and I are constantly on their minds. They even sent messages to me while they were vacationing with their sweet family. Forever grateful for friends such as these. Thanks guys.

Now to the things I haven't thought of. We usually go to the cemetery 2-3 times a week. We know Shane is not there, however, we feel close to him there. It is breathtakingly beautiful up there, there is constantly a breeze and those crosses are a constant reminder of Who this is all for. Today, we went by and as soon as we were getting out of the car Jake said, "Well, my kids will never know my daddy." Stopped me dead in my tracks, never really though of that. Never thought that my grandchildren will never have the wonderful privilege of knowing Shane. Never thought that Molly will not get to come off of a recital stage into her daddy's arms. Never thought of whenever one of my boys hit their first out of the park home runs, daddy won't be there to high-five them. There are so many things I haven't thought of concerning Shane not being here. Can't believe it, because I go over things constantly in my mind of what will never be, what can't happen now, all the things we looked forward to together is not possible now. I know Shane did think of all of these things that he would miss, but know that Heaven is all this and more. The one thing that made him sad was the fact that he was leaving us. I am sure to anyone dying that is at the forefront of their thoughts. I would assure Shane that we would be ok, but that I'd prefer that he be here for all of these things. Even though I know that God will continue to sustain us through each of these things and the everyday things, Shane will be forever missed. The thing I have thought of that is positive...Shane's legacy to my children. What a legacy he leaves. Shane would say, "its always good to get out while your at the top of your game." I would have to say that if any man was on top of his game, it would be Shane Richardson.

So as I continue to think of things that I have yet to think of I know my God has a plan, and I just continue to trust, even though its extremely hard. As I say that, I know God must think my children and I are very special to Him for allowing us to experience this loss and pain. Thankful for Him for allowing us to have Shane for the time we had. Thankful that He allowed Shane to be at the "top of his game." Shouldn't we all be at the "top of our game" for Him, hmmmm never thought of that??!!