So I posted a huge question that's been bothering me.
If change is suppose to be so good then why is it so hard?
I've never done well with change-ever. I like things to stay the way they are and unfortunately we all know things don't stay the way they are-good or bad. I like my ruts, routines, habits. I get comfy and cozy and then if something happens to change my comfy-cozy it disrupts my whole world. You'd think after a life changing experience 5 + years ago I'd have gotten use to change. I haven't. I'm a comfort seeker. We all are, aren't we? Why jump ship if it's not sinking? Why fix something if it's not broke?
When I asked my friend/mentor the above question, her answer was what I needed. Her answer in her too-the-point way was::: "because God wants us to face challenges WITH him, not in independence."
We all know change is inevitable in life. Always something happening to make life a little bit uncomfortable. One of those changes is a new job/career. Especially when you are extremely happy in the one you have. Most of you know I'm an assistant at a pre-school. Love my kids, love my co-workers, love my hours-especially my Fridays off. However, as change has it- so do finances, family needs, the fact that your son is about to be driving which causes huge changes to a moms budget. I was told by my advisors that it just may be time to look for something else. I didn't want to. But I also didn't have to "look." A position became available at Unity, where my kids attend. It all worked out and I start August 3rd. I've been in turmoil about having to leave a job I absolutely love. Asking why am I having to leave when I didnt really want to. This place has been therapeutic to my heart. I started a year after the dynamics of our family had changed. These children, the ladies I work with have been my salve for a wounded, broke-wide open heart. This little school has loved me and my 3, especially Sam and Molly because they went there. Gina, gave me an opportunity to give and receive something my spirit needed. The school understood Molly's little broken heart and how having her mom close by made it easier. They've prayed for us, given to us. The families of this preschool have done the same. My brown bag Wednesdays always reminded me that we were loved. I've fallen in love with these children as if they were my own. On my worst days id walk in and a child would make the worst days my best. So why would I want to leave? Why leave a job you love--I really don't want too but...
I'm getting to go to a school where I'll be doing the exact same thing. Loving, encouraging children. Letting them love and encourage me. As I cried in my kitchen about some of the children that would have been in my class this upcoming year (that i had when they were 2) sweet Sam placed his hands on my shoulders, looked my square in the eye (yep, he's that tall) and said, "but mom, you now get to be with your 3 kids everyday." Wise boy. I'm being allowed the opportunity to work alongside so many that carried us in prayer during the darkest moments in our lives. They've loved us long and well as a school family and now I get to be a part of that same family. I get to be under the same roof with my 3-which they all, even J, seem to be very excited about. I continue to be able to have their schedule, go home with them at the end if the day, spend Christmas vacation and summer breaks with them. I get to fall in love with some new families, love on their babies as my own.
So as much as I've fought leaving and changing I'm also feeling very blessed. So blessed to be given this opportunity. An opportunity to help my family more financially. As hard as it is to give up those part-time hours I'm feeling blessed that it's not office hours where I will be away from them after school and summers. As much as I hate changing my routine I'm reminded all good things come to an end. Seasons change-so does life. As much as I hate thinking of not being with my old coworkers daily I'm excited to work along new ones, make new relationships while maintaining my old ones. I thank them all for walking alongside of me through this season of life. For loving me through. I thank the parents that have let me pour into their children if just for a little while. It's healed me. There will always be a special place tucked away for my Rome First family. Thank you.
I thank Unity for giving me this great opportunity for me and my 3. I get to be a part of growing the Kingdom. I've sacrificed to keep my kids here because it was important for Shane and I, important to him to keep them here. I'm excited and hesitant all at the same time. Change is hard.
The friend/mentor that I mentioned earlier gave me the best reminder, encouragement of all. When I texted her that I had an offer from Unity she texted me and told me that she knew something like this would happen-that very morning she woke up from a dream in a cold sweat. She explained that in her dream she was in her old office with Shane. They were talking and Shane told her, "Gina, you have to remind my wife that change is good." She said it was so eerie, she couldn't explain it---until I texted her about the job, then it was very clear.
So as I prepare for a new chapter, a new season I ask for yet, more prayers. Please pray that I find peace in it all. That I, along with my 3, find our balance, our new groove. Pray for endurance as I get use to a longer schedule, pray God helps this scattered mom/dad of 3 to manage time wisely. Pray that my heart heals from leaving friends, families and children. Pray that my heart is wide open to love more children, more families, more co-workers. Pray for the teacher I will assist that we may have a great relationship and pray for my class. Especially pray that I see this change as good and from God, that I continue to see it as a blessing.
And yes Shane---you won again. I remember him saying shortly after Molls was born- "DeeDeeBo will have to go back to work full-time when Molly's in school." I shook my head no. Yep-Shane-you won and yes Shane, CHANGE is good.
~3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
9 What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
10 I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
12 I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.
13 And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God. Ecclesiastes 3:1-13