Thankful for a great Holy Saturday, despite the fact that when I woke up this morning I remembered the unthinkable, unimaginable, heartbreaking task I had to do 3 years ago on this day before Easter. The one thing I hadn't prepared myself for was telling my kids that that day they wouldn't be waking up and seeing their daddy. I remember well, walking downstairs and crawling onto the blow up mattress with them hoping they wouldn't wake up just yet. I had lots of time to play out in my mind what I would say to each of them during the time I curled up with them just before daylight, while still feeling as if I were dreaming. I still wasn't prepared. I know they woke up one by one, so I told each of them one at a time. I remember even little 3 year old Molly repeating over and over "daddy's with Jesus." Still didn't sound real as many times as she said it. We discussed things that happened overnight, some things to intimate to share and some things I still haven't shared with my 3, but in time I will. I remember thinking before they each woke up that it would be nice if we all could just go back to sleep and either not wake up or wake up to it all being a very bad dream. I know that children are given devastating news everyday...but these were my children. The 3 that I would do just about anything to protect their hearts from hurt. But this one thing I couldn't protect them from. I remember thinking how am I suppose to even function today, tomorrow or the next day or days after. I remember thinking how can I do this alone. I remember thinking the Easter bunny still has to come, we still have to be thankful for Jesus' resurrection-more so now. I still wanted to worship my Savior somehow. We did on a mountainside, at an Easter evening service. Sunday still came.
Fast forward to this Saturday-we've come a long way. We've made it through several Easters now, still praising God for His wonderful gift...Jesus! It's because of that gift that we have made it this for. While I hated telling my children about the death of their daddy-I love knowing that they all know how they will one day spend eternity with him and better ---with Jesus! They all know that He died for each of us so that we may live. They all know the sacrifices He made out of love for us. They love Him and have learned through adversity, pain, suffering. Me?? I'm still learning too. Daily. Hourly. So as I rushed them to bed tonight I was thankful for the lessons hardship has brought us, thankful that I can one day explain just what the love of Jesus did for us in 3 years, 6 years, 12 years. How even as I watched them sleep, 3 years ago, with the dread of them waking up to the news I had to share-I knew Sunday was coming, Resurrection Sunday, and how much hope that Sunday brought and how much hope this Sunday still brings. Sunday's Coming-thank God Almighty!!