Good Grief

Good Grief

Thursday, September 29, 2011


Hopefully, this will be short.  One of those nights when something is on my mind, got to get it out there, so I blog.  I was going over some notes from my women's bible study yesterday. First, let me just say I LOVE my bible study.  Its not about the fellowship, even though its pretty awesome to get to spend 2 hours with some courageous, godly, spirit filled women, its a time we all look forward to each week to jump in head first into His word.  So, getting back to going over my notes, TD our leader (and an awesome leader she is) shared with us a quote from Joni Ereckson Tada, it was one of those quotes that I couldn't jot down fast enough in my notes because it struck a chord inside of me.  So tonight I was googling Joni and found it, I've added the first part as well..

❝God is heaven-bent on making us more like Christ. He can use anything—be it a broken neck, a broken heart, a broken home. Suffering has a way of uncomfortably revealing to us the things inside us that need to be transformed. .
— Joni Earekson Tada

Strike a chord anyone???  I can definitely attest to this statement.  Suffering, whatever it is, makes you take a good long hard look within and if you will let it and allow it, suffering can transform you.  Praise God for that.  Suffering will also allow/cause you to hit your knees and crawl to Jesus like never before.  Another Praise God for that as well.  Suffering can be a good thing if you will allow it to transform you.  In my case, it has allowed me to look at my relationship with the very One who matters most.  I can say if it was not for Him and the relationship I had with Him before the suffering began, I would have never made it.  Instead, thankfully, I was upheld by Him from beginning and He continues to carry me through.  Suffering has allowed me intimacy with My Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit that I would have probably never had otherwise.  That deserves a loud Hallelujah!!  In my case the uncomfortable reveal was my lack of faith, fear, worry, trying to keep control of situations, not giving it all over to Him.  Of course I still struggle on a day to day basis with all of these and more.  I also, know from the past few years, that He has NEVER forsaken me, ever. I keep self-examining to see what good has come out of what I have been through and I prayerfully hope that compassion, total dependence on my Father, and prayerfully that I am glorifying Him every way I can.  Letting my light shine for Him.   If you are suffering, whatever it is, pray that it will transform you, that He will reveal things through suffering that you would have not ever seen before.  It may be that some things that are revealed  you have tried to conceal or have tried to forget.  Maybe its time to clean out that closet, purge it and let Him have it. Let God use it to make you more like Christ, that is my goal, to be more like my Savior. The above quote has become one of my favorites now.  Knowing Joni has suffered tremendously, but let it transform her into the women of god she is today.  She most definitely did not waste her suffering and I don't want to mine. 

Friday, September 23, 2011

A New Season

Ok, as much as I love summer and all the activities that come with it I have to say Fall is way up on the list of favorite seasons. As time moves on the sting of the happenings of fall 09 seem to be a little less painful.  I remember thinking on the day of Molly's birthday, October 29, '09, how I hoped that day would not always be "marked" by what we found out on that day.  Fortunately, with God's help those memories are still there, but not as fresh and know that with each year that passes will become less and less.  Not that I want to forget, I have to say those bad memories will constantly be reminders of what and how God has cared for me and walked me through suffering and the beginning of a great faith walk with my Father.  Watching Molly grow, knowing she will be 5 this year reminds me of the way life continues and I don't think I will be thinking of the dreadful news we received 2 years ago on her sweet birthday as much this year.
When I think of a new season and all the things that come with it I think of one of Shane's last gifts to me.  As most of you know the last 2 weeks of his life was spent upstairs preparing for the inevitable.  As much as we hated to come to grips with what was happening and knowing the time was drawing near for Shane to enter his real home we talked, planned and looked ahead and behind.  In those moments we spent together, just he and I, he told me things he wanted for the children.  We went over yucky business matters, what he expected and wanted in that area. A dear friend told us to dictate letters to our children on special days/ages and he would transcribe them for us.  As tired and sick as Shane was, we did it.  Not as many as we had hoped to do but he did them.  He also had a conversation with me about what he expected for me.  He told me he expected me to be happy to not grieve forever and to find someone.  When we had this conversation I protested, not wanting to talk about it at all.  He pushed the issue and told me he knew that I would find love again, that he wanted me too, wanted me to marry again, that I was young.  He had only one request, however.  He asked that it be a godly man, one that would love me, love his children and a man that would help me with them.  I just shook my head in agreement, that I didn't want to talk about.  As time has passed I have found that he had this same conversation with some of his closest friends.  What he expected for me.  Shane still amazes me on how unselfish he really was.  He made sure these men, that would be instrumental in my life, knew what he expected and knew that it was what he wanted for me and the children.  I also know that in the times Shane would be resting he would be praying to his Father and know that he was unselfishly praying for mine and the children's future.  I know in my heart, that at that time, God's ear was closer to Shane than ever before, for He knew the plan's He had for Shane, knew Shane's time here was growing short, He saw Shane's continued faithfulness, and know that God's presence was all around that sweet time.

Sharing this with you leads me to today.  I have often said that if I was to meet someone else that God would literally have to drop him in my lap.  Well, God dropped this man straight from heaven.  Most of you have heard, met or know this godly man that has come into my life.  It happened when I least expected it.  He is not a stranger to me or my family, we were childhood schoolmates, church mates.  He has had his share of heartache, different, but still the same.  This man loves our Father and seeks Him daily,  he has godly parents, a solid foundation and is truly amazing.  He is amazing with my children and my children's hearts have been opened to accept him into our lives.  Even the oldest, who always said, that another would never be allowed.  I think he is the most smitten of the 3.  He amazes me with his unselfishness, his attentiveness and he allows Shane's memory to be alive which is the best gift for my children.  He knows what heartache is, he understands and he sees brokenness as a way to grow in Christ and a way to grow together. 
I am continually amazed at God's planning and what He continues to do in our lives.  I continue to see pieces of a huge puzzle come together that only He can put together.  I continue to see Shane's prayers he prayed, in the end, be answered.  In the words of Jake..."When ___________ gets to heaven I just know dad will walk up to him and say, 'thank you for taking care of my wife(& children).'  Yes, Jake I think your daddy would definitely approve of this godly man that has come into our lives. Thank you Shane for unselfishly knowing that a new season would begin in our lives and thank you for praying in advance for the man you knew we needed in our lives. Thank you Father for all you continue to do, for allowing such a godly man to come into our lives, for 2nd chances, new seasons in life, for allowing such happiness to come out of broknness,  you continually amaze me with your love, grace and mercy.  I give you all the Glory. Amen. 

 Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

1 There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.