Complacency means a feeling of smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one's achievements. Security in the way things are. Being content with almost smugness.
When I said this word to a man I just met this weekend while explaining how Christians seem to become complacent in their walk-I did not know that the word and what it means would keep coming up in my heart, spirit. Then again, isn't that how God works? In mulling over the word and the meaning I need to admit that I've been complacent in my Christian walk. I've said before that since my encounter with sickness, death and the true and real presence of the Holy Spirit during that time and during a long season in my life that I've longed for that feeling again and again. I've said before that I hope for a way to be able to feel that again but without experiencing the hurt and pain I had to endure with it. I've become content with life and the way things are-I may not like it but I would say I'm content. I can say that in the past 5 years since that special season I haven't had those life/soul/heart/spirit encounters with Jesus. Partly because I've withdrawn, partly because I just didn't feel like I could ever truly experience that closeness to Father again. So life, both everyday and spiritual, has become complacent. I'm so not proud to admit that. Not proud that my children have seen their mom become complacent/content with life the way it is. I'm not happy I realize that the more withdrawn I become from the Word, from fellowship, and even prayer I'm not disappointed when I don't have those mountaintop, come to Jesus experiences. But I've become content. Not my proudest moment.
This past weekend.
This past weekend made me realize that God is still as amazing as He was 5 years ago. He is still the same sovereign, righteous God today as yesterday and thousands of years ago. He is still the one that can and will do miracles. Yes, I still question why He will miraculously heal one and not the other, why things happen to good people and not bad. I was reminded that the hands and feet of Christ are still at work through those that love Christ and are willing to pour out Christ-like love on others in need.
As I sat in a hospital waiting room while realizing the news seemed bleak I remembered how in a season of my life that God was all I had, and pray is all I did. I was reminded how it was to only have Him to depend on. No one else, just God. As I prayed and surrounded my dear friend, as she was left to wonder what else she could do, I remembered having friends surround me doing the exact same thing. Holding me up when I didn't have the strength to do so myself. Having reminders whispered in my ears of Gods goodness drowning out the words of doctors ringing over and over in my head. Wondering how I would make it the next minute much less the next day. Worrying, worrying about my babies-how would they handle this, how would they handle me not being around. I looked at her tear stained face and realized she was experiencing Jesus like she's never experienced Him before. Then I found myself being joyous-she was allowed to experience this. As sorry as I am that she and her sweet husband are enduring all of this at the same time I'm joyful-they will never be the same.
But thankfully, their story doesn't end there. A bleak situation that usually has a bleaker ending changed in a matter of minutes. As we sat there receiving news of results after surgery, still wringing hands, still thinking what-if-in literally a matter of minutes things changed. The doctor returned and said he was awake and told the doctor his name. We all were speechless, mind-blown and speechless. We had just been in the midst of one of Gods miracles. I couldn't help but think about all of the miracles I've read about in scripture and how amazed those people surrounding the bleak stories must've felt, they were feeling exactly what I was feeling, they were allowed to witness something bigger than words can explain, they experienced God. I was able to experience God like that again. Will I ever get use to that? I hope not.
The next day as I texted my friend to get an update I thanked her for allowing me to be a part of all of that. I was just a bystander but I was there for a purpose. God allowed me to be there to have a rekindling of my spirit of sorts. No-this wasn't at all about me-but all about them-their story. Their miracle, their mountaintop experience but I was able to witness it. I was like Mary, Martha and Lazarus' neighbors, just looking on but forever changed. Sunday morning as we sang How Great Thou Art in church-I sang it differently than EVER before. I cried knowing how complacent I had become. I hate that it took something so tragic to revive my spirit but God promised to use bad things for good. I know My friends will never be the same and I pray that years from now they will not grow complacent in their walk. That others there, looking on with mouths wide open, at the miracle that just happened will have rekindled spirits, rekindle their love for our great God. If there were those that question if there is a God -that this, this story will change them, open their hearts to our Father and His goodness.
Father, forgive me for being complacent in my walk with you, for becoming smug and thinking others haven't experienced You as I have. Forgive my content heart-help me to continue to strive for mountain-top experiences in the mundane, in the everyday, in life. Thank you God, for continuing to perform miracles. Thank you for your healing hands. Thank you for the body of Christ that strengthens, restores and renews when needed most. Be with my friends-allow him to heal and continue to amaze us. Allow him to use what he's lived through (PTL) to bring Glory to you. Be with his wife-continue to give her strength, peace and allow her to continue to experience You through all of this. Be with their boys as they adapt to changes in schedules, life in the next few weeks. Use this Father to bring others to you-don't let all of this be in vain. In Jesus name--
"Comfort lacks motivational traits,it breeds complacency; hardship is the greatest motivating factor in life."~ Scottie Somers