Good Grief

Good Grief

Sunday, July 27, 2014

As Jake called her...LaWanda!!!

It's crazy when your day is just moving along as usual, spending the day at the pool, refereeing kids-then you pick up your phone and see a message that changes the whole day. Had a message that a dear family friend/past neighbor has passed away after a courageous battle with...cancer. I knew her most of my life-we first met when my oldest sis worked with her at a local record store. Later my sis and her moved out together with another roomie. As much as I hated to see my sis move out I thought it was way cool. I'm sure they shared some times that they would like to forget they shared, but also know that those times formed a life-long friendship. My sister eventually moved to the ATL but she stayed here and we kept in touch with drop-ins after she became manager of the record store. Then, after I grew up and Shane and I had 2 kiddos  we moved into our second house next door to her and her husband.  I was excited, as well as my parents, knowing there was someone close by if we needed anything. I was busy raising boys, getting settled in, but always knew she was next door. We'd catch up in the yard as neighbors do. She and her husband did not have children but never minded our crazy kids. She was always excited to see them out playing and loved having them "trick or treat" every October. Jake never got her name correct but she was fine being called "LaWanda." They even invited us over to their property so the boys could fish. One of the best afternoons and pictures of that day to prove it.  Think Shane had as much fun as my boys. She entertained us with a picnic after fishing.
 She kept a regular schedule and every afternoon we could count on her pulling in the neighborhood with a toot of her horn and a wave for all of us.  She may have never had kids but she always had fur babies, loved them like crazy. I remember one being very sick and her taking it to Auburn or UGA to have her looked at. I've always said you can read a persons character by how they treat their pets. Obviously, she was a women with character. Loving, caring heart. She worked hard with her husband and I always admired how they spent time with each other. Taking overnight trips to ATL, her husband sometimes surprising her with concert tickets. They were sweet to watch and I was sometimes envious of the childless life they led since I was in the throes of new mommy-hood.
One of my most favorite stories about her was when she got Shane...good. One particular winter night the boys had a ritual of stripping down and running naked before their bath.  This particular night our new puppy and the boys took off through the backyard to our storage building, which has a large light that lights up our whole backyard. As a mom that likes to catch her kids on video I was filming the boys when all of the sudden I heard Shane let out a true Talladega yell---Woohoo---and to my surprise the grown man had stripped down naked and was tearing off after the boys...buck naked, puppy in tow. Thankfully, I was so surprised that I dropped the video camera while I was yelling my infamous, "Shhhannnee!" So no video of that. However, a few days later she called and told me to tell Shane that she saw the whole thing while she was in her backyard with the dogs. The man was mortified I tell you. Mortified..and it took lots to mortify Shane Richardson. She truly had us both believing that she saw the WHOLE thing. It was  later she told us my sister had told her about the fiasco. Good one on Shane!!
Time passed and they eventually, sadly, put the house on the market to move into their dream home on their property. We would see them in passing but had lost touch, as time and distance sometimes causes. I had heard she was diagnosed after a long road of tests. Kept up with her through her family. I kept saying I wanted to see her, but remember out of respect-that sometimes privacy is the best in situations like this. As selfishly as I would have liked to have seen her I remember how I wanted Shane all to myself during his last days and can only imagine her husband felt the same. Today, as I was thinking and praying for him I couldn't help but wonder if having a spouse to pass without having children with each other is easier or harder in the grief of it all. I was thinking about the day Shane passed and how I at least had them to keep me company, be a warm body beside me, be a reason to wake up the next day. Or is it a bit simpler when you only have to deal with your own grief, having to deal with just your own heartbreak and not having to worry about your children's heart breaking as well. Either way my heart aches for him tonight. His other half is gone, never to return. He will eventually have to face going to work without her being there, and worse return to an empty home that they built together. I'm assuming he was her caretaker for the past few months and so there will be an emptiness there, a different kind. As a caregiver, time is spent making sure all of your loved ones needs are met, different from when they are healthy, an almost urgency. When they are gone-that urgency leaves yet another different empty hole. Life seems divided into before cancer and after cancer. My prayer tonight is that he, her husband-remembers the sweet times as her caregiver, that he puts away the unpleasantness of after cancer. I pray that he remembers all of the before cancer times, those weekends away, picking blueberries, building a dream home, just doing life with his wife, best friend, co-worker. I pray he knows he did all he could for her just by loving her. Sometimes love is not even a match for cancer. Tonight, I hope he finds peace knowing his crazy sweet wife is in the arms of her Savior. The Savior that I'm sure she was ready to meet. Although sadness filled her heart of leaving him behind-she had confidence in knowing he would see her once again and that she had confidence in knowing he could carry on. I pray God comforts her family and He fills the emptiness that only He can fill. Heart breaks for them, but so proud that she has beat stupid cancer. No more pain. Just her and Jesus and maybe an old neighbor welcoming her Home reminiscing about one cold night of streaking in Brookwood. "Lawanda/LaWana--you did it, you beat it!!! Congrats on your new and forever HOME!!

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