Some things I want my girl to know on her 8th birthday::

My sweet girl will be celebrating her 8th birthday today. I can't believe it. Time is flying. I didn't realize just how grown up she has become until she spent the day at pre-school with me. Every year she asks to go to work with me for her birthday. I obliged yesterday because civic duty called and I wasn't sure if I would be called on her actual birthday. It was really a great day with her at school, she was able to help in class, help carve our class pumpkin, our 4 year olds sang happy birthday to her, it was a big fun day for her. There were several 4 year olds that were just gah-gah over my girl. Which in turn made me realize just how grown up she is. They looked up to her-literally and figuratively. They wanted to know her every move and she was patient and loved being the big kid since she's the little one in our family. Today, as she celebrates turning 8, I want to share some things with her to help her through the next few years...maybe even life.
 Here goes Molls-from my mistakes, weaknesses, and life-lessons-carry these in your mind and heart, recall them and know mama loves you and would protect you from future hurts if only she could. Live and learn doll.

1. Keep smiling--your smile is contagious child. Contagious. People comment on it ALL the time. Mom takes that for granted sometimes because I see it all the time, but it's beautiful and it lights up the room, lights up my day and any dark mood. Remember you can hear a smile in a voice-so smile even when you feel like crying.
2. Continue to love BIG. I think your heart is both mine and dads. We both loved BiG and I'm thankful you've received that trait. It's a good thing, however, it can cause you to get hurt often. Loving big opens up doors for people to enter into your life that do not know how to receive the love you give, they will have no idea how or what to do with the love you give. Your heart is precious so guard it from those that have no clue. But when someone receives that BiG love you give-they will never ever be the same. Never hold back-love BiG and strong. Heartbreaks will come in life, live and learn from each.
3. Never settle---on ANY relationships. Friends, loves, acquaintances. Don't settle. This refers to #2 as well.  Love BiG but never settle for anything less that what you deserve. Ever. Mom went through lots of relationships to find daddy-o. I knew I'd find someone that would love me like  I deserved-so thankful I never settled and I've learned to never settle for less. Ever.
4. God's plans are perfect for you. Even when the world is crumbling down around your feet and nothing looks like it's working out--Father has it. Learn from the yuck, press through the muck and have faith through it all.
5. Lean on your brothers. Know it doesn't seem like it now-but in the near future they will love and protect you just like your dad would have. They both have their daddy's heart so I know it's in there-just have to let them grow and mature so we see it more. They love you, always have, always will. I Remember when they saw you for the first time how they oohed and aahed over you. How when we brought you home they held you with love and adoration. They love you-don't let them tell you any different. Depend on them.
6. Friends come and friends go and there's nothing you can do about it. But find a few that you know are steadfast and true and you won't need many. The types of friends you have come with the different stages in life. Goodtime friends, steadfast friends, workplace friends, lifelong friends. Lifelong friends are priceless-they are the ones who know you inside out and backwards and love you anyway. One regret I have is not being able to give you a sister. Thankful though, you have 2 female cousins that will love you like their sister along the way. Friends are valuable. You will endure mean-girls-don't fall into their traps of meanness. Usually mean girls stem from them being jealous of you, your life. Mean girls grow up to be mean mamas and mean women. Pray for them. Let them  be mean-but NEVER be a mean-girl yourself. Mama will beat you until there is no more mean inside of you. Re-read if necessary.
7. Dance like no one is watching and dance every chance you get. Remember how you didn't dance at Emily's wedding and the next morning you said you regretted it? Dance so you don't have to regret it later. Dancing is good-good for your soul, heart and mind. Plus, I met your dad while I was dancing. Don't waste time with a man that stops you from dancing-he should enjoy watching you do what you love.
8. Learn to love to read. Reading is my greatest escape when things stink. Read books you can get lost in, read books where you fall in love with the characters, read books that make you sad when they are over. Reading frees you from everyday stuff. Learn to love it.
9. Continue to explore and invent and do. I love how you find a how-to video and are determined to do the same yourself. Even if it means I have to clean up bright pink crayon that's exploded in the microwave. Continue to make that lip-gloss, nail polish, leArn make-up how to's. Obviously it works-you put make--up on better at 8 than most woman do.
10. Continue to use that imagination of yours. Let it take you places.
11. Never stop seeking God. Makes my heart happy to know you love bible lessons, the questions you ask about God and His world. Your desire to be baptized this year. Knowing my girl knows and loves the very One who created her and loves her is this moms main desire for her children. Seek Him in All you do and life will be good, not pain free-- but good.
12. Be joyful in everything---joy comes from within, deep down. Even with deep hurt, long suffering and rotten people you can still have JOY!
13. Always know mama's got your back. No matter what. There's no love like a mothers love and I'm thankful that I'm yours and i get you as my daughter and best friend.
14. No matter what-remember in your short 3 years with dad, how much he loved, adored and wanted you. He was so excited to have a little girl and I know he had big dreams, ambitions for you. I know that if he were still here that I'd probably be a bit jealous of the love you two would share. I know you'd be the apple of his blue eyes. I know if there are windows in heaven he constantly smiles seeing your smile, seeing your life unfold over these last 5 years. My heart hurts that you must go through life without him but so very thankful that his love for you is able to seep in from places unknown, from others, your brothers, from memories, me-thankful that we've known a love like that and I will constantly pray that God will give you a man just like your dad, so that you can continue to experience that kind of love. Continue to let God be your Heavenly Father and love you in place of your earthly father. With the love of Him you are never cheated, no matter what the world may say. You are not Fatherless. You are a daughter of the Most High King. You are loved.

Happy 8th Birthday Molls! Thankful for the crazy, messy, joy, drama you bring into our families lives.  I love you to the eastest to the westest coast.

Mom

A Walk Around the Block

A Walk Around the Block

Today was one of those perfect fall days. The Richardson 4 has been on the road for the past few weekends so a day at home was welcomed. Finally was able to  decorate for fall, spend some time with my oldest, had Molls helping and Sam was off with a friend. It's days like this that fill me up with pure joy. Nothingness. No plans, just doing what comes next. In the nothingness I always seem to be able to think, reflect when usually I'm in such a teezy there's no time for that. The nothingness of my Saturday reminded me of a few years ago doing the same thing-decorating for fall. One of the Richardson's most favorite times of year. During that time I remember having that unsettled feeling, Shane wasn't himself, fighting a cough, I was busy with my 9, 6 and almost 3 year old, still, life was good. We had lots of Saturdays at home and I have to say I took them for granted. Friends-enjoy those days, the simple, unplanned days, I've come to realize these days are few and far between. Don't get me wrong-love the busyness and fun we have been having but these days of unplanned family time are rare. When time slows a bit I realize what I miss on a daily basis-for instance-on this afternoon of chatting with J my breath was literally taken away when he threw a glance at me----Shane Richardson. It seemed to be a Godwink-right there in our family room. Simple-but breathtaking. His looks and mannerisms are his daddy-spitting image, dead-ringer. Realizing that my little bestie is about to turn 8, and how I'm thankful at even at a young age 3 she still had memories of her  daddy. At the same time as the seasons are changing, life is too, daily. She is busy, creative, challenging and reminds me so much of my granny it makes me smile often. We've joked that I should have named her Molly Frances-still think about changing it, but not crazy about those initials. Then there is Sam-on a daily basis I get doses of Shane through this boy. Not in looks and mannerisms like his big brother but his heart. Nothing makes this mom happier than knowing Shane is walking around in an eleven year old body.  Spitting image of his daddy. Determination, motivation that his dad possessed and wished I could bottle up. Amazing. I was talking to my mom on the phone in between blowing the driveway off and finishing up and was telling her about Jakes glance and she said I should be very thankful for that-reminders. I am...thankful.
As we wound up our day and the sun had gone down I asked Molls if she wanted to take a walk with me. I had some things on my mind that I wanted to escape from. It was brisk, dusk, and perfect. Walking around the block with my baby-girls hand in mine, knowing these times will be becoming less and less overwhelming gratitude swept over me. Her telling me she was ready for Sam to come home, she missed him. Having Jake at home instead of out with buddies, knowing Sam would be returning and we'd all be together again. I am grateful that they are all still here with me.
While walking and talking, as chatty girls do, I was reminiscing of when Shane and i were dating. I was telling Molly most weekends on Friday afternoons when I got off work at 5 Shane would be waiting on me and we would head to Calhoun for the weekend. I told her how Pooh and PawPaw were always anxiously awaiting our arrival, spaghetti ready, movies waiting to be watched, clothes ready to be laundried. I told her it was this time of year we started dating-October 8th was our first:) With each step her little stride made with my long stride I filled her up with my memories. How once when pooh and I went walking in the cold rain (I was in better shape then) we came back to their house to find that Shane and pawpaw had been to the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree-up in the stand with the lights on. I will wait for another walk around the block to explain how those days I found myself falling head over heels with this man, how on a cold Novemeber night-just a few weeks after our first date her daddy told me he loved me the first time. Another walk around the block and I will tell her what REAL love feels like. How her daddy knew how to love me completely, how I pray that all 3 of our babies will be blessed with a love like ours. How I pray I do his memory justice when I speak of him. How I pray that when I talk of him they see the love I had/have for him as my best friend, lover, husband. This moms prayers are for their salvation, and that they are blessed with a love like ours. Hoping that on days of nothingness-they see reflections of him, their memories stay fresh of the man that loved them with his whole heart, that days like we had Saturday are sweet memories of us, even just us 4 when it should be 5.  I was reminded today by a wise friend that I have 3 blessings-and good things are coming. All this reminds me that there may never be another love like ours in my lifetime-but I'm ok with that, for some never find a love like ours in a lifetime. I will remember my blessings on these hard days ahead of reliving a diagnosis 5 years ago, a battle that had just begun before it ended.  In these days of griefs ebb and flows I will find joy in days like today, find joy in the busyness because the busyness means my children are good, here with me, even while typing papers, finishing class projects, carting back and forth to practices, dance and after-school-tutoring. I will find joy in 13+ pre-schoolers that love me just as Ms. DeeDee and give me sweet hugs and smiles and how my crazy co-workers keep me grounded and laughing. I have lots to be thankful for and this post is a reminder for me more than anything. My life may not have turned out as planned but my life right now, is good.
As Molly and I were wrapping up our walk around the block and enjoying the briskness of a new season, her tiny hand in mine, she looked up at me and said, "Mom, i sure wished daddy was still here."
Yes Molls, if you only knew how much I wished that too.