Thankful for...

Thanksgiving 2009. Didn't seem to have much to be thankful for. Just a few weeks before a large mass showed up in Shane's left lung. We didn't yet have a clear diagnosis, we knew it was cancer of some sort but were not clear on treatments, prognosis the like. We moved through the motions of day to day life, as much as a family can, knowing things were not near as perfect as they once were. We continued to do "Thanksgiving" and found comfort in being with those that loved us the most. Thankfully, my mom (Mimi) wanted a "thankful" tree. We cut leaves out of construction paper and asked those there to write what we were thankful for. The kids had sweet things like-macaroni, sleepovers, God and family. The adults had things a little more meaningful...family, salvation, time together. I remember reading what Shane wrote-he required the BIGGEST leaf, we all joked that he wrote a book. I remember then being touched beyond words but time has away of erasing meaningful times. Fast forward to today, the day before Thanksgiving 2013. My mom brought out the thankful turkey we did in about 2006, with out thankful's written on the turkeys wings stuck strategically in a pinecone and then the thankful leaves from 2009 were on her kitchen table. I was flipping through them wanting to read what I wrote-found it. It was something like-thankful for God, thankful for the suffering we are experiencing thankful because I was feeling the presence of God like never before. Reminded me of my feelings then and how I truly was thankful for the suffering never really knowing where the suffering would take me. Never knowing the outcome, knowing in November of 2009 there was still hope. 

Then I spotted Shane's oversized leaf. I was sitting with my mom and a friend from church around her kitchen table and read it aloud. 

I just had told a fellow griever that this year was a year I didn't really feel like being Merry and Bright-how I wished I could close my eyes and wake up and the holidays be over. Then I read the leaf. A leaf that was a love letter of sorts 4 years later to my children and me. A reminder of what I was thankful for then and what I am thankful for now. I was blessed and still consider myself beyond blessed to be loved by Shane. He taught me much. He loved me much. That- I am thankful for. I have it written on a thankful leaf. A love story written by a dying man on construction paper. I am thankful for love letters, reminders, and written notes I can share with my 3.

If if you can't read it from the picture this is what it says::

Thankful for: 

My children as they are beautiful in all ways and allow De and I to understand the Father/child relationship,with God.

Thankful for the Body of Christ as they have shown me mercy, love, compassion and faith.

Lastly I am thankful for my cancer. It has shown me what really is important. It has shown me the love of my family and friends. But most of all it has shown me just how much in love I am with my wife. And how special the relationship with Jesus Christ is.