Puzzle Pieces

Today has been a bit bittersweet.  The stress of knowing May 18th(would have been our 15th wedding anniversary) was coming up made me feel yucky along with many other things.  Seems to be so much hurt floating all around me, just worldly stuff, divorce, financial issues, job loss, sickness, betrayal, time and energy suckers, just real world life. While I've reflected so many times through the years about May 18, 1996, how perfect it was, magical, happy, everything I had ever dreamed a wedding would ever be with a man I dreamt of all my life.  It almost seemed unreal, and life just got better and better.  Our marriage was not perfect by far, but we were perfect for each other.  We built our life together, God gave us amazing babies, things continued to work out. 
Then.
 I.
 Woke.
 Up on April 4, 2010.  While the bitterness is sometimes unbearable I so try and focus on the time Shane and I had together. Yep, I still feel cheated for the time that I don't get to spend with Shane, but I truly am so thankful for the time we had, short but wonderful. I will say it again, we had something some search a lifetime for and so thankful I was allowed to experience it. 
I usually spend my time with God at night when we all are settled in and kids are quiet. For mother's day I purchased the kid version of my new devotional for the kids.  I told them I wouldn't be a mother without them, so happy mother's day to them.  I usually read mine then read theirs, I did tonight and for some reason their version spoke to me more than mine.  Here is part of
what it said...
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts. Is 55:9
"I gave you an amazing mind.  With it you can think great thoughts and dream great dreams.  But My mind is infinitely bigger and more amazing.  My thoughts contain all of creation and the universe, all of the past, present and future.  And because I understand all things and all times, My thoughts and My ways are different from yours.
Life can be like a box of puzzle pieces--with the box top missing.  When you look around at your life, all you can see are the pieces.  But I see the final picture.  I know how all the pieces fit together.  I know how to join together all the jagged pieces of hurts and disappointments, plus the smooth pieces of victories and joys. 
Trust My timing and My ways.  Trust Me to fit all your pieces together into a wonderful life.  And trust Me-at the end of your life-to lead you home to heaven."--Jesus Calling

After I read it aloud to the kids, Jake in his adult fashion said, "wow mom, that's perfect for you today, being yours and dad's anniversary."  I had to agree.  Yep, my life to me looks like a bunch of pieces and right now can't imagine the other half being any better than the first. Even though I don't agree with some of the pieces He has given me I think I will continue to trust the One who had it mapped out long before I was conceived.  He loves me and He knows what my "puzzle" looks like complete.  He knows me so well that He gave me a wonderful reminder when I picked up my Papa Stanley devotion...for May 18, titled-Supreme Love, based on 1 Corinthians 13.  This happens to be the scripture read on our wedding day, the scripture Shane based his last sermon on, and the exact scripture that I had placed on our headstone.  Coincidence?  No way, He loves me like that and He consistently gives me these little reminders.
Thank you dear God for the time I had with Shane, the lessons I continue to learn from him, the 3 blessings I call our children,  thank You for assuring me that no matter how hurtful this world is I have the assurance of living eternally without hurt or pain, thank You for allowing me to know what being loved in this world is all about and more importantly allowing me to experience daily, Your Supreme love, because the greatest of these is LOVE.  Amen