Lessons Learned & Still Learning

Before  I start with my thoughts I will let everyone know that we did make it through the 1 year anniversary of Shane's passing.  Again, the days up to the day were worse than the actual day itself.  Actually, Sunday, April 3rd was a very GOOD day.  The whole weekend actually was.  Started it off on Friday night with a girl's night out of sorts, a sweet friend came back in to town and we had dinner, we all pretty much got kicked out of the restaurant.  Seems that's what happens when you don't get "out" much.  Saturday was spent doing the baseball thing then out to eat with family & friends.  We camped out in honor of Shane.  Before going to sleep I set my phone to wake me at 2:45.  I thought I would wake up, read the scripture that was read for Shane while he entered Heaven.  The peace that was over me can only be described as the same peace that covered me this time last year.  Not real sure what I thought I would feel at 2:45 a.m. but when I woke up, I was exhausted, I prayed until going back to sleep.  I think God knew that if I opened my bible that it may be just too hard to relive what happened exactly 1 year ago.  So instead, He let me peacefully sleep.  I did however, wake up again at 4 with Shane on my mind.  Ironically, I felt joy knowing Shane had been with his Savior for 1 year.  Knowing he is as busy there as he was here.  I can just imagine how he loves it.  Shane's friend that was with us, that happens to be our neighbor, the one that read the scripture for him last year, decided he too, wanted to be up at that time.  He chose to sit on his front porch with a cup of coffee and spend a little time in John again.  He said it was ironic how our golden rretriever Buddy,  barked at 3:00 a.m. just as he did last year at that time.  I jokingly said he must have a keen sense of the Holy Spirit seeing how He was here last year and obviously here again, watching over me and giving me restful sleep.  Not sure what I thought I would feel waking up on Sunday morning, I did have moments of recollection on what I felt last year, which was hard.  Went to church, lunch, then out to Berry for our own kite flying day.  When we first got there and was looking at how beautiful the day was Jake said, "I think this day was ordered by daddy."  I wholeheartedly agreed.  Shane would have loved a Sunday like that.  Just relaxing with family and friends at one of his favorite places.  We did make it,  but I will say like I say often when someone ask how I am..."Still Sux, Kids are good."  Even after 1 whole year it still really sux.

Now on to lessons learned.  Yesterday, as I was leaving Wal-mart, I saw a man that I have seen before.  He stands on the corner of the parking lot with a sign that reads something like...Have Cancer, need work.  I read the sign before I ever got to him then had to stop  right beside him.  I couldn't even look him in the eye.  When I drove on I was appalled at myself.  Here I was with a car full of groceries with time to spare before picking up Lil' Curl and I drive right by him without even looking at him in the eye.  One of those times when your soul gets all stirred up but you still just trudge on through your day.  My day went on, picking up kids, baseball games, etc and I didn't give it much more thought.  Fast forward to Wednesday morning bible study.  Guess what the chapter was on...MERCY.  While we discussed the real meaning of mercy and how God continually shows us mercy my mind took me back to yesterday.  I dropped the ball on showing that man some mercy.  Me, of all people, that has been showered with mercy galore this past year by the Father and by the body of Christ, drove right by an opportunity to show a little mercy to someone.  Instead of rolling down my window and asking his name to tell him I would willingly pray for him, I sat and judged him (which I found out today is the contrast of mercy.)  I sat and thought all the things most would think...Does he really have cancer?  Why don't he just get a job instead of panhandling on the street?  Is he just wanting his fix for the week? I brought this up this morning and we discussed it, how I shouldn't condemn myself for it, how to know when the Holy Spirit is urging you on and how to know if its me or the Holy Spirit.  With me writing this I  know it still bothers me, not really about this particular man but everyday situations.  How much more mercy could I be showing to others?  One of my favorite lessons that I learned from Shane happened right after he was diagnosed with cancer.  I blogged about it you can read it here http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/shanerichardson/journal/15.
A part that I didn't blog about the girl I mentioned wrote about it here for the Redmond Regional Surviving to Share, she actually won the essay contest http://www.romenews-tribune.com/view/full_story/9842929/article-Surviving-to-Share--2010? see Casie Payne.  Anyway, it was one of those days that Shane showed so much mercy to complete strangers.  When he told me to write a check out to them I was not being as obedient as he was. I was so reluctant thinking about ourselves, thinking about all the bills we were going to have to pay with chemo, meds, doctors and all.  He was steadfast and I could tell he wouldn't be talked out of it.  I remember how he not only showed them mercy by also truth.  Also learned today that one is no good without the other.  You can give mercy all day long but without truth its no good.  I also remember him praying out lout in the parking lot for this sweet girl.  I was amazed at him praying for someone else with the news we had recently received. Casie and her husband will tell you today that they were forever changed by Shane's mercy that day.   I encountered so many times Shane showing mercy to others.  He got it!  He knew that God showered him with mercies new every morning and that he should do the same.  Finally, I am getting it too!  Not to say that I will be always willing, that's still a work in progress.  Hopefully, I can be more like Christ and less like me.  I thought about what Jesus would have done yesterday, He would have looked the gentleman right in the eye, gave him a smile, that I can't wait to encounter, and he would have prayed with him on the spot.  He wouldn't have cared if he REALLY had cancer, if he was needing a fix, or what someone might think by being seen talking to him.  He would have pulled over (or kicked his sandals off) and showed an abundance of mercy.  He would have showed no judgment, no self-righteousness, no embarrassment, just mercy.  Small word with lots of meaning.  I've been looking up some scripture on mercy tonight and Matthew 25:34-45 is fitting. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2025:%2034-45&version=MSG.  WOW!! 
Needless to say, I have some work to do. I need to show more mercy as a mom, friend and as a stranger.  To close I was just doing my Papa Stanley (aka Charles Stanley) devotion for the night, even though it was on a completely different subject, it still hit home..."We are His body-His eyes, ears, voice, feet, and hands-pointing others to Him." -Charles Stanley. See, when we show a little mercy we flash a big neon arrow to HIM!!