"Something"

Through my growth as a Chriatian I've often asked why I just never had the gift of dicernment. I would often feel frustrated when I would hear someone say the Lord will tell you what to do, or when I would hear someone say I waited for the Lord to guide me. I've often said I wished that I had lived in Old Testament times so that God would appear to me or I could hear His audible voice, give me burning bushes, clouds, etc. so that I would know, without a doubt, what He was leading me to do. Unfortunately, when seeking guidance from Him-I'm left wondering if He is guiding me or is it me. I'm left wondering if that 'still small voice' is really Him or is it what I think I want to hear. I've always been a little, what some would call-"wishy washy" in my decision making. One minute I've made a decision and the next I change my mind. I've realized that when seeking God I tend to be the same way. One moment I feel very sure what He is guiding me to do and then the  enemy makes me question if it's right. In my growth I am learning to wait---wait on the Lord. I've learned to stand still, and wait on the Lord (Ps37:7). It's not easy, never easy being still or waiting. Patience isn't my strong suit. I'm also learning that He supplies peace during the waiting Isaiah 26:3. When I want to hurry up and act I've learned to feel His strong hand on my shoulder, holding me back. And when I grow tired of waiting on Him and a direction or an answer He gives me strength to continue to wait on Him Isaiah 40:28-31. Through this same journey I am currently learning to listen. I was explaining to a friend how I knew a certain situation just wasn't right, that something was telling me to watch out. I was telling her this and she started laughing and said, "Girl, you know what that something is." she went on to tell me about a guest her church had hosted. A "comedian" that was talking about the names of God. How he said there was another name for God---SOMETHING. He explained how people will say-something was telling me not to do that. Well, that SOMETHING is God. I've come  to realize and be thankful for SOMETHiNG. Call it gut instinct, intuition, SOMEThiNG, whatever--but I will call it answers from my Father. I'm thankful that I'm growing enough in my Christian walk to recognize the something's, for what they really are. He may not be audible or burning bushes for me-but He is guiding my ways, protecting me, giving me dicerement, those same gifts that use to frustrate me when I would hear others speak of them. It wasn't that He wasn't giving me discernment-it was that I was choosing not to be still and know Him and listen.  I was acting and relying on me-now I've learned to wait on Him. Yes  there will still be times that i rely on me more than Him, that i wont be still and wont listen-but there will always be that SOMETHING, my sweet Holy Spirit, that reminds me, teaches me to wait, listen & seek. Again, and again He makes things crystal clear. I'm thankful that this time it seems He wrote things out on the wall that decisions I've made are the right ones.  His promptings, guidance and answers may not be easy or what i want but He knows whats best-so i will just trust and abide in His love for me. Now ain't that SOmETHinG?!?!